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Who is this Lilli-Bunny anyway?

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As a matter of fact, questions such as "Who are you?" have existed since the day of creation. Our Lord, after getting his hands dirty in the clay, molded the bearded muzzle of Adam, and when this little chump had hardly opened his eyes, he reached up to God’s nose, asking, “Who are you?” God did not answer. God has still not answered. Perhaps he was offended—or is still thinking about the question.

  Thus, of course, expecting the legitimate question, "Who is this Lilli-Bunny[1] anyway?" I present you with the following explanatory conversation, because readers indeed love books with a lot of conversation and pictures, and I don’t want to disappoint you from the first page.


- Who is this Lilli-Bunny? Is he that important to write or, even worse, read novels about? We have never heard of him. Did he kill fifty million people?

- No.

- But did he participate in any massacres?

- Nope.

- Did he invent the A-bomb?

- No, he did not.

- Did he drop an A-bomb? (One of those who dropped the A-bomb was recently declared a hero by Time Magazine.)

- No, Lilli-Bunny didn’t drop the A-bomb.

- Maybe Lilli-Bunny is the kind of bearded guy, like Karl Marx, that invents the kind of  theory that makes a couple of continents almost strangle themselves?

-  No!

- Well, would you excuse us, but this personality is unremarkable, because it is necessary to murder a certain number of souls in order to be considered a great hero or even a historically significant figure.

 I’ll try to argue that Lilli-Bunny is an ordinary character with the virtues of anyone trying successfully to live a happy life, but you won’t listen. You’ll turn away. My novel will stomp into the corner sniveling.

You’ll go on with your life, through your uneventful working days between traffic jams and washing machines, proving my novel to be unimportant. Actually, you don’t realize that novels are guiding your lives. Look out at the street – do you see Harry Potters carrying their brooms, Raskolnikovs3 with their axes, Pickwicks  sitting on the benches, Captains Nemos hiding silently somewhere in the city sewers? Each of us selects, subconsciously, a character from a novel read in one’s childhood, and this person hobbles through one’s life.


You might say that the present generation does not read any literature. They simply read new novels or watch the movies, which does the same simple trick. These books and movies rule our lives…


As a matter of fact, this is a novel for you. It will treat your anxieties, make your back pain go away and help you work healthy insight into your life  (This is true, of course, only if you haven’t been so abused and neglected before you reached these lines that it is already too late to help you out. In that case, you will carry on with your miserable life, dragging Raskolnikov's axes to kill old ladies for money. Or maybe you will play the role of an Idiot and feel sorry for Raskolnikovs and old ladies whispering to their own ears sweet fairy tales about their uniqueness. But murdering with an axe sounds so unique that it deserved to be included in the novel.)


Lilli-Bunny is a positive hero and does not fight with axes. Then why should you give precious minutes of your priceless existence to the reading of my book? Because the efforts of your teachers shouldn’t go in vain. Your English teacher, some Mrs. Watson, didn’t sleep at night reviewing your English papers. You are indeed the last generation that can still read! I do not mean inscriptions in graffiti on the walls; I mean text longer than a parking ticket.


Anyway, God forgot to give us instructions on how we are supposed to use ourselves. So we can be excused, at least, for reading those.


Lilli-Bunny might be you, but without the dog-eat-dog life, work that sucks, shrimpy wage, abuse and discrimination, burnt porridge, rubber love, clay conscience, spat soul, snotty childhood, wooden toys, finger in the glass of milk in kindergarten (so that the neighbor would not drink it), blots in your copybook, ice cream fallen to the pavement, slaps of bully schoolmates, Jules Verne ships that set sail without you, pathetic marriage, or pressure of “certain circumstances” that became fully-grown boneheads who smoke in your basement (not just tobacco), dysfunctional family, disrespectful grandchildren, measly old age, early death, solitude in the crowd, and also of course the Major Disappointment of Your Entire Life (what-so-ever you choose it to be) and other insignificant troubles...


Lilli-Bunny might be you if, of course, you add to your life a full scoop of sunny days,   some semolina porridge with raspberry jam, a friendship with a teddy bear, some common sense, some sense of humor, some sharp-toothed satire, some merry laughter, some unrestrained laughter with hands swinging and feet stamping on the floor—“Ha! Ha! Ha!”



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Contact the author bruce@kriger.ca   

©1996-2006  Boris Kriger, all rights reserved

Last Updated: Nov 26, 2006